HANDSOME BUT DAMNED - Attraction

  Anisa Gjikdhima

  HANDSOME

  BUT

  DAMNED

  Attraction

  © Copyright - All rights reserved.

  This novel is a work of fiction. Names, protagonists, locations and events are result of the author’s imagination or they were used in a fictitious way. Any similarity to places, facts or people, real or fruit of imagination, living or lived, is completely random and unintentional. Any unauthorized reproduction, total or partial, and circulation in digital or pdf format, must be considered as an infringement of the copyright and, therefore, it will be criminally punishable.

  To Hyrije

  the most special person I’ve never met.

  You’re always in my heart, grandmother!

  Chapter 1

  Like every morning, I ran in Central Park and loud music ringing in my mind. It helped to me no think. This was the moment I escaped from reality, my reality. I stop abruptly, laying my hands on my hips, while my eyes wander to find what they were looking for at The Lake. Such a wonderful place should make me feel good, but it reminds me of things that I can’t have anymore. I've been testing for two years, but the result is always the same. Memories can’t be erased, and sometimes I'm afraid they'll drag me down a little, in a dark place and out of the way. I close my eyes, breathe deeply by holding back my tears and repeating to myself that I must go on because there is no other solution.

  Two years ago, my parents died for an accident , my life has changed. I’m changed. Where once was happiness, now there’s only emptiness. My life has turned from "everything" to "nothing" and not my choice. I was alone and frightened, and soon I realized I could only rely on myself. I went through "three phases". The first phase, that of desperation, I always cried and wondered why it had to happen to them. I didn’t want to see anyone, I didn’t care, I just wanted to get my parents back. I was wondering how I would have done without them, they were all I wanted. In addition to being excellent parents, they were also my friends, they understood me, and more time passed and I was more suffering. I spent the nights crying, screaming at their names hoping they would come back to me, but nothing changed.

  Some relatives had moved from me, but I didn’t want them because I knew they didn’t love me unconditionally; they had never been present in my life; they didn’t know anything about me; the only person I was allowed to stay near to me, was Clair, my best friend. She had moved to my house, preparing me to eat even though I didn’t eat anything, trying to make me react until I went through the second phase. It is said that with time, the pain decreases, but it isn’t true, I didn’t cry anymore, I didn’t scream, but I kept everything inside, I decided not to show my pain anymore, because no one could understand what I felt, I was screaming inside me because the pain increased more and more. I spent my days waiting for something that would never come. They wouldn’t come back again, they wouldn’t embrace me and I wouldn’t have felt their love again. My life no longer existed, I was just a body that kept breathing.

  The nights became months, so, Clair one morning decided that it was time to return to life and against my will, she decided to leave me home. I will never forget that day, because it was the beginning of something. When I left home, I felt frustrated, as if I had never seen the world, to make me react, my friend took me to an orphanage where she volunteered. When I saw those children who had abandoned about their parents, I felt lucky because I had a loving family and this made me privileged . While Clair told me how some of them had been abandoned, something happened before me . How could a parent abandon his son? No child asks to be put into the world, yet whoever has given the life, feels entitled to abandon them as an object that no longer needs. I decided I had to do something for those unlucky children and from that day, I went there trying to give them abut no. So the third stage started, where I put together the pieces of myself.

  After my mum and dad death, I found they thought at my future, leaving me a great deal of money.

  Being only child, I’ve inherited everything: home, car etc….

  I didn’t miss anything but that was as I missed everything!

  One month ago, I decided to get a job and keeping law school. I think, it will make me feel better to have goals, in fact, I would like to become a lawyer.

  I decided it, when I found out my parents died, because of a drunk man who lose control of his car over into oncoming traffic.

  Cruel destiny wanted his car crashed violently with their, too.

  But, after only six months, the low, released him from prison, so when I heard this news, I wanted to rock the world!

  That was so unfair! For this raison I want to be a lawyer, so this injustices didn’t, again.

  In my small way, I’ll want to try it.

  Last evening, I sat for hours sending my curriculum at the most important company of the city. I’m very scrupulous, so I read it over and over again. I really need a part time job, otherwise I never get to attend the university and to keep a high level for a scholarship.

  Fortunately, I didn’t buy my rental house, but living cost is too high, though I’m a very simple girl. I don’t shop designer clothes, I like t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. I just get home, a time for a shower and I sat me down at the desk. I looked at my last curriculum, to send to Truston, so ,with the paper in my hands, I thought "Let alone they take me!"

  The Truston, was the most important company of the city, of the country, actually.

  Talking to the owner, I’m waiting for many weeks.

  I think, They will not taking a look it at, but I said: «there’s no harm in trying».

  If I want really to be a lawyer, I’ll show my teeth! My cell was ringing. It was Clair ,my best friend.

  «Hello little bitch! It’s some days that I don’t hear you».

  That was the way we say hallo!

  «Monkey, I’m up for my curriculum», I said.

  Clair, puffing in my ear, said me:

  «How many times I advise to be a model? You look the part and a delicate face I’m sure, you would have successful. Take it from someone who’s in fashion.»

  They were months, she was trying to talk me, she always said the same things: style, fashion! But I hated showing off, because I needed working in the environment, so I could learn something useful for my future job.

  She said, I was a stupid, because I could make much, to be a model, a lot more than to be closed in an office making coffee.

  I was exhausted, so I said her I send last e-mail and I will rest for a bit! Unhappy, she answered, we’ll talk tomorrow.

  I didn’t get much sleep, last few night, I’ve tired eyes and very upset! So I looked amazed my curriculum, sending my e-mail. Ok, now, I was waiting for it.

  I woke up the sun was high. It was late!

  I’ll want to go to university looking at my favorite and obligatory courses.

  Then, I opened the fridge but it was empty, I forgot to go shopping, it was important if I won’t die of hungry.

  So, I took a fast shower, I wore my blue jeans, a black shirt and comfortable shoes. I had breakfast under the house bar, I get the car and shooting off into the building where I’ll spend many hours for next years.

  I had the bad habit to have a reckless drive, I just know I lost my driver’s license.

  Reached the goal, I walked up to the board near to the entry, while I was looking for a pen and a notebook in the bag, my cell rang. She was my lovely pest.

  «Hello Clair», I said, snorting.

  «Hello darling. Are you ready for tonight?»

  «Sorry, ready for what?» I asked confused.

  «I can’t believe! Have you forgotten my fashion show?»


  I was so busy looking for a job, I’ve just forgot! I didn’t make her mad, I lie telling that I was little distracted.

  But she noticed it, and said she will let it slid this one time!

  «What are you going to wear tonight?»

  «I don’t know. I’ll wear the first thing I find in my closet.» The usual .

  «Forget about it, you will not come to my fashion show dressed as usual, because, tonight there’ll be the most important people of New York city. Do you understand?»

  «Ok, I understood. I must leave you, I’m at university, now. We’ll talk later».

  I looked at my cell realizing she up on me! It was just bitch but I won’t mind, I’m pretty much used to it!

  After looking at hours and courses I went to the car to come back at home and to my surprise, Clair was waiting for me, dressed, as always, impeccably!

  She bowed her sunglasses sizing’ me up. If I didn’t know her, I’d think she doesn’t love me. But she was all fair! I wonder why but every time I look reminds me Miranda Priestly.

  «What are you doing here», I said …

  «Come on».

  «Where are we going?» I said puzzled.

  «We’ll go shopping. Do you think I’d just you let wear one of your terrible dresses?».

  «I don’t understand what do you have against my fashion sense».

  So I get grouching in the car.

  I can’t stand her when she was so bitter.

  «Come for shopping, please! Let me enhance you the best».

  «You know, I hate to be to center of attention, now I’ll bite, but you ‘ll never ask to me for come at a fashion show, if I can’t dress as my way.»

  So, she’s agreed jumping as a baby. It’s incredible, it didn’t take much, to make her happy.

  I hope she didn’t make to me that she made those poor fashion models.

  I thought to have had a rapid style lesson, Clair, wouldn’t shut up, in fact, she talked to me all time to be trendy importance, and blah, blah, blah.

  In fact, I didn’t remember things she said, either.

  I missed when she began speaking about hells. I was way out the world, I can’t help it.

  «It’s too short», I testified while I’m taking down little cloth I wore.

  If she thinks I go out in public in this way, she’s wrong!

  «It’s perfect for you».

  «In this way, I don’t go anywhere».

  « Listen to me. You’ll wear this damned dress, coming to the fashion show as a star, tonight! Do you understand?»

  She said threatening to me. She struck fear but I knew she would never do anything to hurt me. She loved me, too much.

  «But, I was not this one, I retyped. I’m uncomfortable, and this dress was uneasy, too. What’s better than a blue jeans and a t-shirt?».

  «Let’s do this. You’ll be play an hot and confident girl role, tonight!».

  She put her hand on my shoulders, turning on to the mirror.

  What to say, I just feel a slut. I can’t get dragged into this madness, I can’t.

  «Can we see other clothes?» I asked.

  «No, this is perfect for you. So you’ll dress it, whether you are liking it or not».

  I know, I’ll never get out winner, she’s a hard case. I puff while I’m looking in the mirror.

  Already, there’s no turning back, I get myself out there,

  «Ok, we’ll get this stupid dress, but I’m warning: if somebody makes stupid comments, you’ll be died», I growled …

  I heard her to chuckle while she was coming to the speakers. I wonder how it’s possible I always give up her wishes.

  After paying a big bill, for a dress I’ll wear just once, I said her goodbye running at home. I needed a little quite time. When I have to do with her, my stability is swaying! A good book will help me, surely… maybe taking a cup of the.

  I believe the fashion show will start about 9.00 p.m. I had got all the time to relax.

  Clair said ,there will be very important people, tonight, I’m very happy for her. She earns many successes from her life. I did as she said, tonight: I’ll become just another. And who knew, it could be also very funny!

  Chapter 2

  Oh shoot, I felt asleep!

  I prepared quickly hurrying through busy streets of New York city. If I’m late, Clair will kill me.

  My phone issued a beep warning me about a Clair message:

  "Hey baby, I’ve saved a front row seat. When you’ll arrive, look for the chair with your name. kisses".

  I throw the phone in my bag focusing the street. Things can’t get worse… I was late, I was reckless driving, even using the cell by drivers, too! Sometimes, I was ashamed of myself.

  Maybe, I should budget my life better, but I couldn’t. I hated the rules, have everything under control. All that, gave me the heebie-jeebies. I’d rather live like this, I felt more free. I had just arrived in front of the building where the fashion show was, walking over to the entrance like a crazy.

  «Damnable heels, how could I walk with these so? It was a torture».

  I came into the building, swearing between me, this night had already begun bad. After spending ten minutes finding the chair with my name, I was already sick. Finally, like a light in the dark, I saw my chair. It hurt so much at the foots. I had never worn so uncomfortable shoes .I sat looking around ,there were so many people. Everyone dressed up, like I thought.

  There was little to be done ,I will never like this world.

  To my right, sat down a middle- aged man, he smiled me, before turning look on the catwalk.

  While I was looking around, my eyes went about the person who sitting across, over the catwalk.

  Wow, a beautiful piece of man!

  I stood looking at him while he was talking to a lady, I think she’s the partner, by the way she was petting his hand. I had stop looking at him, It didn’t like me. But for some strange reason, I could help it. I had never seen such a beautiful man, if only, in the magazines.

  Even models worked with Clair, were so beautiful. He had a mysterious side, thing I was always drawn about the opposite sex.

  I came surprised when he just looked up at me. I should take my eyes off him, but I couldn’t. His eyes watching me, focused, like he was studying me.

  We looked, as if our eyes talked to each other. I was filled with feelings never felt before. I didn’t know who was him, but I would like to find out. His look was serious, it didn’t express any emotion. His eyes moved to me at the woman next to him. She whispered something, from that moment he wasn’t looking back.

  He was busy, of course, handsome man didn’t stay free for a second. He had all physical qualities which could be desired, for all I cared. Sure, he knew what it was worth, just looked at the woman next to him. She looked like a model, perfect body.

  Fashion show started, and from that moment, I felt with all myself, I didn’t look at him.

  I’m just trying to stay focused on models who took off with pride, on couture dresses.

  Clair, had done a great job, it couldn’t be easy, to pull this off.

  After fashion show, I got my friend behind the stage. I knew, I wasn’t allowed to be here.

  I walked trying not to draw staff’s attention, so, I walked into the back room.

  «Clair»? I called, seeing her in the distance. She came down never been glowing, it means that everything went well.

  «Did you enjoy it?», she asked me.

  «Beautiful., you were really good».

  «You have no idea how importance this night was for me! I’m glad, everything went great».

  Some people approached congratulating her, for the work she had done. I looked at her, while she talked proud of she did.

  «Come on, we’ve got a party», she said out loud.

  Oh, my God !A party in this state with her. It will be the end of me.

  I followed her, while we’re heading on another floor of the building and we entered in a great r
oom get ready to the party.

  The waiters, walked through a crowd with some trays, while a background music, topped it.

  I had never been those kind of parties, I felt like a fish out water.

  I leave Claire talking to some people and I went walk around the room. In the distance, I spotted a buffet and like a ravenous shark, I went up.

  I was hungry. I didn’t eat anything all day. I’ll get something fast. While I’m taking a bite of a cupcake, I felt noted.

  I looked up to see blue and deep pair of eyes. The mystery man was looking at me. Bu nowhere near, he stayed where he was. His behavior was a little odd.

  Perhaps, he was already busy, or just because he had no interest…maybe, he found me funny.

  I looked over, gave him my back and I moved towards an unknown direction.

  After I spent some time running around drinking champagne, I went up to my friend who kept talking to other people.

  I had to say, this night had been a success for her.

  «Come on, my darling. Let’s go dancing!», she cried, taking me by the arm.

  But, I couldn’t dance in those high heels and too short dress. So , I said that was not the case. But, nothing to do, she just kept walking.

  I’m surprised she didn’t stop in the dance floor, but she went to the deejay. I watched her whisper something in his ear and way back to me.

  What is she up to? Music stopped for a few seconds I saw the deejay push some keys and changing song. Surprised, I just turned to her.

  She took me in the dance floor and said:

  «What party’s without our song?».

  I can’t believe, she made him put on our song! She knows that music, always, got me in the mood, it was impossible to stay still.

  Travesuras’ melody started, and from that moment on, the rest didn’t matter. I moved to the beat, together with my friend that moved her hips in sensual manner.

  We kept dancing, unheeding to be in the public eye. I looked up and someone behind her, caught my attention. "Blue eyes" was looking at me, in fact, he was eating me. I didn’t know why, but I think it was very nice.